A potential short film about a group of friends in college is set on the college a campus in Nashville. There is a group of friends who just started hanging out a few months ago, when the school semester started. They are all freshman. They came together from their similar background of being raised in Memphis, but other than that,our main character, Patrick, has few in common with his new friends. Patrick is an 18 year old white boy who is majoring in business. He is quiet and tries to stay out of trouble. He has 3 friends. One of them is Travis. Travis is also 18 and majoring in business. He is loud and usually dominates his environment even though he is short.
Patrick has always been uncomfortable about his place in the group, so he has been befriending people outside of the group and uninviting himself to functions with them. In front of the group, Patrick gets approached by a girl he knows and she says “Hi” to him and leaves. The guys thinks she is flirting and that Patrick should pursue her. They peer pressure him into actually flirting with her. Before he gets to, Travis gives Patrick some awful advice on picking her up. Patrick gets brutally rejected. The advice was so bad Patrick thinks Travis meant for him to get rejected. He can also see his friend in the distance laughing at him. Patrick gets angry and walks home. On his way, he literally runs into some thugs, so they rough him up. Then his friends come to save him. Getting beat up in the process. Patrick respects his friends for this and their friendship gets tighter.
I would compare this film to Superbad. Where the stakes are low, but treated with extreme importance. It would have the atmosphere of the Office with jokes that aren't trying too hard, and actions that over exaggerate character traits.
I would compare this film to Superbad. Where the stakes are low, but treated with extreme importance. It would have the atmosphere of the Office with jokes that aren't trying too hard, and actions that over exaggerate character traits.
Impact - 7. When I read this it reminded me of everything that can go wrong, would go wrong. The story made me feel bad for the character, because all he wanted was to get a date. The goal was to not assume things right off the back about someone. The theme was pretty clear and pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteClarity - The story I thought was pretty clear and got the point across. I think the character was pretty compelling because he made you want to feel sorry for the guy.
Potential - The story does feel complete. Its simple and basic but not to where its boring.
Overall Feedback - I think the story is nicely laid out and may need a little work with how the intro starts about him being uncomfortable.
A. (1) 9.
ReplyDelete(2) Your story left me thinking "How the hell did Patrick's friends know he was getting beat up by thugs? Are they psychic?"
(3) It feels resolved, I can tell Patrick went through some character development throughout the story.
(4) The theme seems to be the value of friendship.
B. (1) The story is pretty clear, as far as events that happen during the story go.
(2) You could have elaborated on the setting and background more. Is the entire story in one place or spaced out over several places?
(3) The main character is pretty compelling, his goal seems to be reaching out and being social with other people.
C. (1) The story feels a little short, maybe exaggerate the length of some parts?
(2) Character interaction is strong, the setting and setup could use some work.
D. You definitely have a strong handle on characters and how they interact with each other. I'd suggest working on the specifics and setup and you'd have a pretty solid story.
Impact - I don't know if this was your intention but some of the bits of your synopsis seems kind of comical and I really liked that. It really makes it stand out.
ReplyDeleteClarity - The story was pretty dang clear and to point. It might help to include some more on the other two friends? Are they not as important?
Potential - I think this would make for an interesting film especially with what you've compared it to.
Overall Feedback - The story's simple and easy to follow. I also really like that the setting was in Tenseness and that the characters were raised here in Memphis . It kind of makes it feel more personal. Overall I'd rate the idea an 8.
Impact
ReplyDelete1) 7-8
2) Valuable lesson learned because relationships are not linear but complex.
3) Happy because the conclusion is happy and clear.
4) The theme is not spelled out but it does have larger themes that can come out of it.
Clarity
1) The story was quite clear.
2) In general I do, but not the specifics.
3) The main character was very realistic.
Potential
1) Yes.
2) The theme, conflict, and resolution are interesting. The weak parts would be to define the theme more clearly, the life lessons learned etc.
Overall Feedback
1) The story is interesting. More details would make it stronger.